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Confession: I Discuss Changes to My Appearance With My Man Before I Make Them

by Ree, “The (Ree)lationship Guide” 

When you make a change to your physical appearance, do you consider your significant other’s input?

I thought including your life partner in on a decision about something that can drastically alter your physical appearance — like a new hairstyle, for example — was the norm for couples, but I quickly learned that it’s not.

When I informed my hairstylist that I’d discussed my new hairstyle with my partner before coming to her, her response was a menacing “Awww, that’s so cute and sweet of you!”

Puzzled, I looked at her reflection in the mirror and asked “Do you not discuss plans to change your appearance with your husband before making them?” For me, it seems like a courteous thing to do — not a desperate cry for his validation of my beauty.

I was stunned to learn that my hairstylist, and the three other women who’d giggled when I made my revelation, do not include their man on decisions concerning their physical appearance.  “My husband just has to just accept me as I am!” one woman exclaimed. “I don’t really care how my husband feels about my hair; it’s my hair and he’s not paying for it,” another added. “Interesting…” I thought.

I’m not sure what to make of their dismissive tone concerning their husband’s input on their physical appearance, but for me and my partner, it’s a no-brainer.

In fact, I vividly remember him asking for my input concerning a hairstyle he wanted before he started growing it. As his hair grew wilder and wilder and the smooth waves from his bald fade were starting to become a distant memory, he’d occasionally ask “Babe, do you think I should cut my hair?” or “What do you think about my hair now?”

Had I ever expressed that I didn’t like it, he’d never grown it or he’d cut it — not because he has low self-esteem and needs me to validate him. He’d cut it because he trusts I’d never ask him to do anything for me that I’m not willing to do for him, and he also realizes I’m the woman who has to look at him every. single. day.

Let’s face it: It’s hard to stay mad at a person whose physical appearance matches the intellectual sexiness that turns you on.

So quite naturally when I decided to make a significant change to my physical appearance, I discussed it with him first. If he’d expressed any opposition to my plans, I’d taken them into consideration and changed them.

This practice doesn’t stop at our physical appearance; it’s something we practice for virtually every decision we make. It may seem silly to some, but it works for us.

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