by Ree, “The (Ree)lationship Guide”
If you haven’t already seen “The Best Man Holiday,” I highly recommend you view it before reading this article. While director Malcolm Lee’s incredible storyline takes us through a whirlwind of emotions, it also provides us with a number of golden relationship do’s and don’ts that can be used as tools to help us navigate through the complexities of love.
Check out the seven relationship lessons the iDateDaily team and I learned from “The Best Man Holiday.”
- Be Prepared for Unforeseen/Uncontrollable Circumstances In Your Relationship . Although couples come into relationships with their own plans and goals, life has a way of deviating you from your pre-planned path. This displayed in various stories throughout “The Best Man Holiday,” but it really stood out in the way that Harper and Robyn were faced with their struggles of conceiving and delivering their child. Neither of them could’ve imagined in their wildest dreams that conceiving a baby would put so much strain on the relationship. Harper is over-protective of his pregnant wife in fear of losing his child and Robyn is stressed out by her own insecurities of not being able to have a “normal” pregnancy like everyone else. If it were not for their ability to trust one another and remain faithful to their relationship, they would’ve lost it all. In order to hold a relationship together during these unforeseen/uncontrollable circumstances, you must always be prepared for change. Making plans is fine, but it’s important to always be prepared to deviate from the pre-planned path when necessary and to trust your spouse’s judgment.
- Money Management In Relationships Truly Matter. Money and infidelity are interchangeably the number one causes of divorce, yet thousands of couples marry every year without becoming financially intimate with their spouse. Financial Lovemaking is a necessity for making your relationship work. To elaborate on this point, one can once again reference Harper and Robyn. Harper went from being a man on top of the world with best-selling books that helped him attain fame and fortune to having his credit card declined in the grocery store. One can only presume that he frivolously spent his money during his prime, failing to make his money work for him instead making himself a slave to the money. In a state of desperation, he risked losing a fragile friendship and his wife to heal his financial struggles. It’s imperative to make sure you and your partner are on the same page as it pertains to finances. If you need help with this, read Financial Lovemaking 101.
- Every Man Needs a Relationship to Tame Him. Everyone knows at least one “macho” man who gets into one physical romp after another with zero intentions of ever falling in love. While these men seem to content with their helter skelter lifestyle, there’s usually one woman who is able to “tame” them. This is seen in Quentin — the loud-talking, weed-smoking man of the group. Quentin lives a crazy lifestyle that includes fun parties with celebrities and texting pictures of his penís to various women. He pokes fun at his friends for settling down, yet he is forced to reconsider his “playa” lifestyle after having sëx with long-time fling Shelby. He also spends quality time with her daughter, who forms her own relationship with him. Believe it or not, these men can appreciate the stability that comes with love and marriage and may be able to be a one-woman-man — at least for a little while.
- A Strong Working Woman Can Submit to Love. The modern-day working woman is forced to wear several hats in her life: She’s a firm, no nonsense leader at work. She’s a nurturing wife and mother at home. She’s a supportive friend in her community. When you’re forced to wear too many titles, they sometimes merge. The loving wife at home becomes the demanding boss with her husband. The supportive friend in the community becomes more and more distant as her career sucks up her time. Sometimes love and family fall to the bottom of the totem pole as women rise up the ranks of their career. This is seen in the interaction between Jordan and her boyfriend Brian. Jordan is forced to make love and family a priority as she steps up to the challenge of being a mother to the children of her dying best friend Mia. She opens her heart to love and treats her boyfriend like a partner as opposed to an accessory. Your loved ones are irreplaceable and are available for a limited time only. You must humble yourself and open your heart to love before it’s too late. You can always find another job, but you can’t replace the people in your life.
- Your Secret Past Can Haunt Your Future. Everyone makes poor decisions in their youth that have an impact on their future, but some bad decisions can be so drastic that they will affect you and your (future) family. Julian and Candace learned this the hard way when video footage of Candace’s scandalous past shows her accepting money for performing a sεxual act. A primary donor of the couple’s school withdraws his funding following the video’s debut, which places the future of the couple’s school in jeopardy. Candace is forced to face her demons and suggests resigning from her duties to help the school stay afloat. If you’ve made some decisions in your youth that have the potential to affect your family’s wellbeing, it’s important to share those with your spouse so that you can work on methods of damage control. Shocking your spouse could lead to heartbreak and divorce. If you believe your past will haunt your future, try being upfront with spouse about it, knowing that they will be willing to work alongside you to fight it.
- Love Is Unconditional. People oftentimes become distracted by their significant other’s looks, charm, and/or possessions in the initial phase of the relationship. No one seems to consider how they will feel when these things are gone. Are you willing to love and support your spouse as they grow old and prepare for death as you would your mother and father? If your answer is “Yes,” you have unconditional love for your mate. In the film, Lance and Mia’s love is challenged by her bout with cancer. As his wife becomes more frail and loses her hair, Lance continues to love and kiss her as if she looked like the youthful woman he married 15 years ago. Even as Mia transitions from life to death, Lance remains consistent in his affection and respect for her. The “happily ever after” love that is shown in Disney films provides a great allusion; but the real love is shown when things aren’t so happily ever after anymore.
- Share Sensitive Information With Your Spouse First. When you’re faced with a sensitive matter, it’s instinctual to speak about the issue with people you love. The problem is, sharing sensitive information with everyone except your spouse can make them feel left out. When Julian initially learned of his wife’s scandalous past, he confided in his friends for advice as opposed to speaking with his wife. Even Harper disappointed in this area when he decided to share his definitive decision to author Lance’s biography with Jordan as opposed to sharing it with his wife first. It’s important to share information with your spouse before anyone else as to not exclude them from important situations in your life. Lance and Mia exuded the solution to this problem perfectly when they decided to not share details of Mia’s illness with anyone. It wasn’t until Harper witnessed Mia coughing up blood that she was virtually forced to tell him about her condition before consulting with Lance. Even after sharing her condition with Harper, she immediately notified Lance. The decision to make your significant other aware of sensitive matters before anyone else exudes a great deal of respect for the relationship. Just imagine how much smoother things could’ve gone if Julian and Harper had conversed with their wives first before sharing sensitive information with their friends.
Which of the aforementioned lessons did you find most valuable? Are any lessons missing?
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