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After 20 Years, Wife Still Chooses Steamy Masturbation Over Sex With Her Husband

RELIEFAccording to a woman’s confession on Elle.com, masturbation was her coping mechanism due to horrible sex with her husband. The woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, writes “If I had to choose between touching myself and letting my husband do it for me, more often than not, I’m going solo. After nearly 20 years of marriage, I have no reservations about owning what I want and how I want it in the bedroom, and doing it my way when necessary.”

They met at the age of 16 and married two years later. From the beginning of their marriage, when they were both young and into sex, she masturbated in secret. It wasn’t that their missionary-romance was bad; it just wasn’t enough to get her to orgasm. She didn’t want to belittle her husband’s pride by telling him she never climaxed during sex, and previous attempts to show him how to touch her left her with a bruised clitoris and him with a bruised ego, so she kept her  sexual frustration a cryptic. She would wait for her husband to clean himself in the bathroom, then, quickly and silently bring myself to orgasm.

After a year of hidden masturbation, her husband surprised her by cleaning himself up a little faster than normal and caught her pleasuring myself.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

He knew the answer, but she claimed she was simply still in the mood. He seemed puzzled, but accepted the explanation. That Christmas, he gave her first dildo.

Although they never spoke of it, she was convinced her husband knew she was unfulfilled. She would reach for the dildo as soon as he climaxed, he didn’t stop her. Instead, he tenderly kissed her breasts and allowed her to finish off,  making this their sexual norm.

Old habits die hard, though, and while their emotional and mental connection was stronger, their sexual chemistry reverted to its infancy. Like before, their post-coital connection involved boob play and her finishing myself off.

She didn’t tell her husband she desired oral sex because she didn’t want to hurt him or make him feel like his sexual talents were not fulfilling all her needs and wants, so she said nothing and continued her sexual ritual.

There times she tried to lead him in the right direction. But the few times she tried there was no success. Their sex life was something she had to accept.

After many days of bad sex, her husband confessed to having an affair three months before we married. she wasn’t angry about the brief fling he had before they’d ever said their vows, rather by the fact that he’d lied by omission for so long. They argued, she cried, and in a calm moment, a thought to her mind he wasn’t the only one who had kept a secret in our marriage.

Emboldened by this realization, she decided to share how much I hated their sex life.

She expected him to get angry, to push her away and even feel betrayed. He did none of that. Instead, he took her hands, looked in her eyes and promised to change it.

Once their egos had cooled, they found their way back to the bedroom. Full of renewed hope, she used masturbation to show her husband exactly how she liked to be touched. He was eager to learn, and he was a quick study.

Sex with her husband transformed almost immediately. For awhile, they were like teenagers, going at it daily, later laughing in each other’s arms about how much catching up they had to do. Like most people in long-term relationships, however, that earnestness soon fizzled, placing us back in a comfortable, although much more satisfying schedule of sex a few times a month.

Sex takes a lot of work to make sure both partners are available and in the mood, there’s little room for true spontaneity. She says, “I’ve got to be relaxed enough to lie back and let myself be pleasured, which is not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes, I just want the release of an orgasm but I don’t want to delay my gratification to see if my husband is down for a romp, or run in the bathroom and make sure I’m well groomed. In essence, sometimes I’m just too selfish and lazy to pick sex with him over sex with myself.”

If she wants to go through the elaborate ritual of getting her body ready for mind-blowing sex,  — and she can. Masturbation has finally become exactly what it was always meant to be: an indulgence, not a sad coping mechanism meant to replace the real thing. But still, more times than not, She’d rather delight in touching herself.

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